Category: fantasy

A touch of magic in a world obsessed with science. “Death Becomes Her” (1992)

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directed by Robert Zemeckis
© 1992 Universal Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

I watched this film a long time ago and I feel like watching it today would be a totally different experience. But before I tell you why I think so, I need to tell you a bit about the story, since some of you might not have seen it. We have two female friends, Madeline and Helen (Meryl Streep & Goldie Hawn). Madeline is an actress, Hellen an amateur writer, who’s engaged to a plastic surgeon, Ernest (Bruce Willis). Unfortunately, when Ernest meets Madeline, he decides to break up with his fiancée and start a new relationship with the actress. Helen gets deeply depressed and struggles with the fact that she was rejected, especially since Madeline and Ernest seem to be incredibly happy with each other. However, some years later, things change. The couple is not doing that well, because Madeline’s career is practically non-existing and Ernest has lost his job due to problems with alcohol. Then, they receive an invitation to Helen’s novel party. How shocked they both are seeing Helen looking young and fresh, way better than Madeline, who’s devastated about this fact. Soon, it becomes clear that Helen has used a bit of magic to look this way. But the rest you’ll see. And why did I say that watching it today would be a different experience? Well, considering how much plastic surgeries have become popular, this film is no longer a comedy, but a sad adaptation of what we have now. When I hear about people changing their jaws, noses, using botox and other stuff like that, I start to think that perhaps there’s something wrong with me? I mean, I don’t consider myself a pure perfection, but I was born this way and it’s natural that in some years I will look older. We’re living in a very strange world where we make children look like adults and adults look like children. And I feel like the filmmakers wanted to share a similar message that we should wake up from this irrational nightmare we’re living in. But I guess those 30 years ago it wasn’t as disturbing as it is now. That is why I’m reminding you about this comedy, because I believe it’s a great production and I wish you to reflect a bit. And from my side – you’re one of a kind, so stop trying to look like everyone else. Have a lovely evening, beautiful creatures reading this!

My rating: 8/10
S.

There is much to be learned from beasts. “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” (1992)

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directed by Francis Ford Coppola
© 1992 Columbia Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

Dear witches, vampires, zombies and other creatures, it’s your day! Halloween has come! And since we have so many spooky productions, I have to write about one today. I’ve chosen “Dracula” from 1992. If you expected a really scary film, then I’m sorry, not this year. However, “Dracula” is considered a horror and it may be creepy for the sensitive ones, so I feel obliged to write about it since it’s a damn good production. This time, I’ll let myself skip the description part. I bet everyone reading my post has heard of the story of Dracula, the scary vampire from Transylvania. There are several adaptations of the novel “Dracula” by Bram Stoker, but this one is quite specific, I would say. Instead of making it just a creepy story, Coppola managed to create the whole “Dracula wonderland”, if I may put it this way. I was watching this film as if someone was telling me a legend and I fell asleep imagining everything. Creepy? Maybe a little, but I seriously got into this world deeply. They say that before shooting the film, Coppola asked the main cast to read the whole novel together at loud. Not the screenplay, the actual book. If that’s the secret to prepare your actors well, then dear filmmakers, time to read more! Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins and Keanu Reeves are fabulous as always, but the show belongs to Gary Oldman and I guess we can all agree with that. I can tell he really worked hard to make Dracula so extraordinary. And even though I don’t find this film scary, he gave me the horror chills I hoped for. Besides, I was absolutely moved by the score by Wojciech Kilar, which was really on point. So if you’re celebrating Halloween today, but you don’t like those typical horrors with jumpscares or you simply don’t want to be afraid to go to the toilet alone at night, then “Dracula” is your film tonight. Enjoy and wish you a lot of spooky dreams!

My rating: 7/10
S.

The world has indeed changed. “An American Pickle” (2020)

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directed by Brandon Trost
© 2020 HBO Max. All Rights Reserved.

I generally like Seth Rogen, even though a lot of people see him as one of those actors who can play only fools in silly comedies. There are plenty of such “disrespected” actors and actresses, but I believe that those who play typically comedian roles can still be good at it and we should appreciate them. Especially since they entertain people and that’s their job. And I must say I was quite excited for this new comedy with Seth, but since I’m writing about it today, on the 13th, it means that I didn’t like it in the end. Firstly, let’s say few words about the plot. We start in 1919 where we meet Herschel Greenbaum and his wife Sarah, rather poor Jews, who emigrate to America after their village got destroyed. The man finds a job at a pickle factory and one day, while working, he falls into a huge tub with pickles. And at that very moment (yes, I know, incredible coincidence, can happen only in ridiculous comedies), the factory gets closed and the man stays in the brine with pickles for 100 years. I was very open-minded about this film so I even laughed a bit, please don’t judge… When they finally find Herschel, the only relative that’s alive in 2019 is his great-grandson Ben. And you can imagine that those two will struggle a lot, because their worlds, values and life priorities are absolutely different. And I honestly thought that it had some potential. However, at some point, I realised that it’s a boring film full or very bad and “politically incorrect” jokes. Trust me, I love dark humour, sarcasm and I believe we can laugh about everything as long as the jokes are… sophisticated, with some point, with an idea. Here, they’re just presenting stereotypes in the most basic and primitive way. A Jew who sells pickles in jars and tells people to bring the jars back. Ha-ha-ha, let me find a wall so I can hit it with my head and forget about this fantastic joke, please. Or the famous line “You are stupider than a Polish person, and they are the stupidest”. Many people of Polish origins protested against this film and I’m not surprised. A bunch of Americans try to make a funny film about something that has been a huge taboo topic (Jews in history). And okay, do it, no problem, but do it with respect and decency. I could throw a bunch of lame jokes about Americans or criticise the filmmakers, but that’s not the point. We have stereotypes, we have taboo topics and we have to learn to deal with it. But let’s deal with it together, because calling someone “stupid” without any sense (that line seriously didn’t change anything in the scene) means someone has just hit the bottom of the kindergarten behaviour. Take your toys and play with other kids, no matter if they are Jews, Polish or few ignorant Americans who need a good respect lesson. We’re all in this kindergarten together.

My rating: 3/10
S.

Where is everybody?! “Mulan” (2020)

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directed by Niki Caro
© 2020 Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

This post will be full of pain, frustration and spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the new “Mulan”, I… don’t know what to tell you. I mean, I seriously wouldn’t like to recommend seeing it, because it’s simply a very bad adaptation, but on the other hand, I don’t want you to only read about it. So choose whatever is best for you. Okay, well… this was a nightmare for me. The only thing I found interesting is cinematography, because indeed, it looks amazing. But hey, Disney has money, great people and equipment, so no surprise. But the rest is literally a mistake, so here we go: uno – Mulan. In the animation, she was such a positive, energetic, bit sarcastic yet incredibly strong and proud woman. An absolute female role model. Here she’s got no personality and her funny way of being is gone. I’m not judging the actress, I’m judging the horrible character. Dos – Grandma, Mushu and Shang. What can I say? They are gone. Instead of grandma, Mulan has a sister, who does literally nothing. Instead of Mushu there’s a phoenix, which also does nothing. And instead of Shang there’s… nobody. Tres – Yao, Ling and Chien-Po. Do you remember those three adorable soldieries that were supporting Mulan? Well, there are some characters that should resemble them, but shortly speaking, they are gone as well. Mulan is absolutely alone. However, instead of all those wonderful characters, we get a witch. What for? No idea, except the fact that we’re living in the 21st century where people want to be overly politically correct so we have to have more women on the screen even if they absolutely don’t fit there. “Mulan” is about a woman surrounded by thousands of men and yet she’s the bravest and the smartest of them all. Isn’t that a wonderful story about the power of women? Naaaaah, let’s add a witch, who’s bad, then good, then dies and voilà, bye bye witch. Pointless! Okay, where was I… ah, cuatro – Mulan’s parents. They were the sweetest people ever in the animation and the father was incredibly crushed by his daughter’s getaway. In the adaptation, he’s like “oh she’s gone, but if we do something about it, she’ll be screwed even more, so yeah, whatever”. Horrible. Cinco (btw I’m counting in Spanish, so enjoy this free lesson with me) – almost no music from the original film. I watched “Mulan” (1998) as a child and I still remember the soundtrack, and I really hoped to hear it in the adaptation. Nope, not happened. I guess I could count with you till 10 or even more, but I guess those 5 points are the most frustrating for me, so I’ll stop. Anyway, I really wanted this film to be good, because I grew up watching animated “Mulan” and she’s my fictional role model, I swear. But instead, I got an emotionless story that is nothing like what I remember from my childhood. If you’ve seen it and you liked it, well, different tastes I guess. If you didn’t like it, let’s give each other a virtual hug. And if you haven’t seen it yet, better think twice. Mulan was born in 1998 and it should have stayed this way.

My rating: 2/10
S.

Poop poop. “The Wind and the Willows” (1996)

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directed by Terry Jones
© 1996 Guild Pathé Cinema. All Rights Reserved.

If you expect me to tell you what this film is about, I’m sorry to disappoint you. I honestly have absolutely no idea. When I played it, I had no expectations and I really wanted to get the story, but after about 20 minutes I realised it’s not a film to understand. It’s actually based on a novel from 1908 and it’s supposed to be a book for children. Not sure how children would react watching the adaptation, I don’t have any to organise such experiment, but if you do, let me know how it went. However, I’m sure that watching this film with “a little bit of green” would make it way more enjoyable. I mean, imagine Steve Coogan as a mole whose house is being destroyed by Terry Jones playing Mr. Toad (a big green creature as I saw it) and the poor mole asks his friend Rat (Eric Idle) to help him fight the mean amphibian. IMAGINE all those men dressed up as animals and fighting about the underground house, and the one pretending to be a toad is horribly rich so he can do whatever he wants, and there are also other humans dressed up as animals involved in this story and… CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? Well, you don’t have to, fortunately. Terry Jones made this one specially for you. I wasn’t sure how I should be reacting and I was kind of laughing but it was not a comfortable laugh, trust me. Is it a good film for children? Maybe. Maybe they’ll understand way more than I could. But somehow I think this production is worth your time. Especially, if you want to exercise your imagination. Fun fact, when the film was released, Terry Jones was in New York and he heard that his film is being shown in a cinema in Times Square. How surprised he was when he got there and found out that it was a porn theatre. I swear, there’s no porn in this film. But perhaps some people find men covered with green paint attractive. No judgement.

My rating: 6/10
S.

The best kind of prize is ‘sur’prize. “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” (2005)

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directed by Tim Burton
© 2005 Warner Bros. Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

Since I told you about “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” (1971) yesterday, I guess it’s time to discuss the remake. There’s no point in telling you what the story is about, because you either know it or if not, you can read yesterday’s post, because it’s exactly the same. Today, I’d like to focus more on the fact that Burton’s version is really underrated, in my opinion. So the original film, as I said yesterday, was way too nice for me. Oh and be careful, because there will be many SPOILERS. So Willy Wonka is this strange guy living on his own in a big factory, which looks like a real heaven for children. He makes delicious sweets and children love him for that. However, when children visit him, he acts as if he didn’t care about them, then gets furious at the end (even though he seemed like a peaceful person for the whole tour) and finally he gives the factory to Charlie. A child. Do you see what I mean? For me the character of Wonka in the old film doesn’t make sense. Of course, it’s fantasy, but comparing to Wonka from Burton’s version, he’s horribly irrational. However, Burton’s Wonka is perfectly written, in my opinion. He’s lonely, living without his family, he hates people because everybody has let him down and he’s consistent as a character. Besides, at the end he proposes Charlie to live with him in the factory, but the boy chooses his family over this huge eatable playground. And that’s the moment when it hits Wonka and he grows as a character. I have to admit that I saw Burton’s version first, so don’t judge me. Yet, when I was watching Stuart’s version, I was so disappointed with the character of Wonka (not acting to be clear) and the ending. I think that Burton showed the real potential of this story, while Stuart made a cute adaptation for children. And I absolutely admire both filmmakers for working with this book, because I think it’s awesome and I’m sure a lot of viewers grew up watching Willy Wonka in the 70s. Still, I’m definitely more team Burton and I wished more people appreciated his version, despite the fact it’s a remake of an absolute classic. Besides, Johnny Depp is marvellous in this role. It’s probably one of his best. And let’s all clap our hands for David Kelly, who played Grandpa Joe. What an adorable man, I swear!

My rating: 9/10
S.

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” (1971)

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directed by Mel Stuart
© 1971 Paramount Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

Never underestimate the power of children. Never! Do you know that today’s film wouldn’t exist if one ten-year-old girl hadn’t asked her father to make it? The director’s daughter read the book about Willy Wonka and liked it so much that she talked to her father about it and… voilà! I guess most of you know the story of Willy Wonka very well, but in case you don’t, let me shortly tell you what it’s about. The main character is actually Charlie Bucket (Peter Ostrum), a boy from a poor family. In his town, and also all over the world, children are crazy about sweets produced by mysterious Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder). His factory is known as the place where “nobody ever goes in, and nobody ever comes out”. One day, Willy informs that he hid 5 Golden Tickets in his chocolate bars and those who find them will be invited for a tour in the factory. Obviously, everybody’s crazy about finding one of the tickets, so is Charlie. However, he cannot afford buying that many chocolate bars since his family barely finds money for everyday food. But I guess it won’t be a surprise for you if I say that Charlie somehow gets the ticket (he’s the main character, duh) and goes to the factory with 4 other children. And what happens there is for you to see. Personally, I love this story and I’m totally thankful for Stuart’s daughter. Thanks to this little lady, we can now enjoy her father’s film and Tim Burton’s remake. I’m not going to lie to you, I definitely like Burton’s version more, because I find this story perfect for his style and I believe Stuart’s version is too… nice. Still, it’s a very well done production with amazing soundtrack. Even if you haven’t seen the film, I’m sure you know “The Candy Man” song, which was written for it and later covered by many artists. Besides, there’s one very significant element that is better in Stuart’s version – Oompa Loompas! I’m a huge fan of their choreography and costumes, and I liked them a bit more than the new Oompa Loompas. If you haven’t seen the film, you’re probably wondering what the hell I’m talking about. Good. Go and find out!

My rating: 7/10
S.